What do you want for Christmas?

There it is.  THAT is the moment when I decided things needed to change.  I actually knew I needed a change long before this picture was taken, but NOW I was ready.

So, this is me – correction, WAS me…two years ago.  Having feasted on a huge Thanksgiving meal, plus wine, plus desserts.  And although it was a happy day, and I was celebrating with my friends and family, deep down, I was a sad, miserable person.  I didn’t want to be like this anymore. 

A few days after Thanksgiving, the obligatory question came – “What do you want for Christmas??”  Well, if I was honest, I really didn’t want anything.  I didn’t want new “fat” clothes.  I knew the ones I wore were getting a bit snug, but I REFUSED to buy anything bigger than a size 20W. I mean, seriously, how had I gotten to this point?  (that’s another story).  I didn’t want jewelry or shoes or cooking appliances or just more “stuff”.  I had enough of that…it’s just more things to take care of.  

I made a decision.  I decided I wanted my health.  I wanted to be here for my kids as long as possible; I wanted to feel more energetic; I wanted to not have to take  daily steroid inhaler to be able to breathe; I wanted to run again.

So that was it.  I told Rob that for Christmas, I wanted to sign up for Boot Camp. I had heard a neighbor mention this “Triangle Adventure Boot Camp” in the area, so I decided to look it up and find out more.  One of the issues for me in getting back in shape was going to be when to fit it in.  This boot camp meets at 5:30 AM.  Perfect!!  I can sneak out and get my workout done before the girls are awake.  It’s a bit pricey, but I was convinced this would be THE thing to motivate me, so I had to make it work!  Perfect timing with Christmas…so I requested that this be the only thing I got that year.  From my in-laws, from Rob, etc.  This was going to be it!!  Beginning January 2011, I was going to lose weight, get healthy, and start running again. 

And then I had to take it one step further…

At a New Year’s party, just days before my journey began, I had to open my big mouth (aided by some drinks, I am sure.)  It’s one to think something, but saying it out loud makes you more accountable.  I was talking to one of my friends who I knew was a runner.  I told her right then, that I was going to run a half marathon for my 35^th birthday – 10 months away.  She looks at me – all 225 pounds of me -cautiously, and then says “okay, I will run it with you.”  CRAP!  Now, I have to do this thing.  I couldn’t even run a quarter mile, much less 13.1.

And so, that is how it began…January 3, 2011, I woke up at 4:45 AM and started this “boot camp” thing…there’s a lot more to the story, and there is not an end yet.  But I can tell you this…. Here I am, 2 years later – happy and healthy – having completed my 3^rd half marathon. 

The story continues.   I hope to fill in the missing pieces soon. There are certainly a lot of ups and downs, struggles and triumphs.  Mostly, it’s a story of perseverance and finding strength that is not my own.   It’s about losing yourself to find yourself, and seeing what you are really capable of when you let go and believe.

But for now, I will get up tomorrow morning at 4:45 AM, go to boot camp, and at some point, run a few miles.  Tomorrow I start training for my first FULL marathon.  Yup, 26.2 miles of crazy!  I am pumped!!

PS - and if you want to know how my 35th birthday turned out, and that friend that said she'd run with me, read previous post.  (yes, from a year ago!)