“It is just a random Tuesday, so today is as good a day as
any to tell you all my dreams for your life. I don’t want to wait until your
graduation parties or rehearsal dinners or some big moment when important words
will get swept away in the hustle. Plus,
a bunch of this can’t wait until you’re grown because it matters right now.”
When Jen wrote these words, she was in the last year of all
her kids being under one roof – The Family Years. That same summer, we took a family road trip
across the country, and we knew instantly that would be one of the highlights
of our Family Years. And I knew those
years would go by all too quickly.
And so we are here.
The last of OUR Family Years.
Next month, my oldest will start her Senior year of High School. We will have a Freshman and a seventh grader
too. And although I know we can still
take family trips and continue traditions, it will be different. They are growing up. And so, while they are away at camp this week
and I am missing them, I am thinking about the words I want to leave them. Jen
sums up her dreams for her kids into three points: Be Kind. Be You. Love Jesus.
(and we’ve actually had that written on our chalkboard wall since). A lot of experts have created lists of “Things
Teens Should Hear”, but what do I want my girls to hear from me? Have I left them any words of wisdom that
will stick with them as they begin to navigate adulthood?
As I reminisce about that Summer of 2015, and how I
want to remember them always, I also hope they hear these things before they
leave their Family Years.
Make Mistakes.
Yes, that is right. We want you
to make mistakes alongside us, before you are on your own. Your dad and I are
your biggest cheerleaders but that also means we are here to help you and guide
you when you make mistakes. Learning
now, under our roof, how to solve problems as a consequence of mistakes will
serve you better when you are on your own.
And no matter what, we are ALWAYS here to help. There is no mistake too big that can make us
stop loving you any less than we do right now.
Nothing can ever change that.
Pursue your passions. Whatever you decide to do for a
career, love it. Don’t settle for a job
that is toxic just because you make more money.
There are years when your career will require more of your time than
your family receives, and if you don’t absolutely love it, you will likely grow
bitter. This never benefits anyone. Your mental health and well being, as well as
your family’s, will be the better for it. And if your passions change, if you
stumble upon a new dream, follow it. You
are never too old to start a new career, a new business. You are created with certain gifts and
talents. Use them to create a better
world.
Invest in relationships & build a community. Spend
time with strangers, make new friends, but always invest in meaningful
relationships. Relationships are everything, because people matter. Make people feel important and valued. This includes “be kind” as we’ve had written
on our wall for years. Kindness breaks
down walls and hard hearts. Kindness shows
that we are all human and finds common ground.
Be present with people and engage in conversation in person, not over
social media and texting. Be in the
moment and make memories by spending time with people. I hope
this includes each other. Love each
other well. The three of you have known
each other the longest as siblings. You
know each other’s stories and are a part of some of each other’s best
memories. I can’t force you to be
friends as adults, but I hope you will be anyway.
You CAN have it all. You just have to re-define what
your “all” is. There will be people that
will tell you can can’t do it all, be it all, and have it all. Don’t listen to them. Some days you will
succeed in one area of life and other days another. Every day does not have to be completely
balanced (get used to hearing that word… what is “balance” anyway?!) But when
you figure out what is the most important to you – not fame, not money, not power
and position – but people, family, work you are passionate about, giving back
to your community… then you will realize you had your “all” all along. You don’t have to sacrifice one thing for
another. Life isn’t about choosing one
passion over another. You just have to
focus on what matters most. Find your
ALL. And enjoy it!
Follow Jesus. I probably don’t talk about this
enough. And growing as a Pastor’s kid, I
heard a lot of talk about the Bible.
Rules to follow. The do’s and do not’s.
What I want you to hear is this:
Love Jesus. Follow HIS
teachings. Not what man has to say about
the Bible or how to interpret it. But
what did Jesus actually say and do? He
will never steer you wrong. Following
his commands to love one another and serve the poor, the marginalized, the
refugee, will never be the wrong thing to do.
If you are never sure what to do in a situation, how to treat someone,
err on the side of love. Be gracious,
forgiving and kind. It is hard to
imagine, but Jesus loves you even more than your dad and I ever could. He goes before you and with you into this
great big world.
“…these raising-you years are a joy and a gift and the
delight of my life… And if I could write
my perfect story from scratch, it would be our exact life.” – Jen Hatmaker, For
the Love
