At the time this picture was taken, we had just arrived at Disney World's Fort Wilderness Resort. It was the girls' very first trip. We had actually planned a trip about 6 weeks prior, but on the drive to Florida, got the call that my dad had died; so we turned around and repacked for the funeral and Disney was on hold.
So here we were, at Disney at last. It wasn't really a vacation in terms of relaxing, but I really needed the escape from reality. I remember just trying to hold it all together - living one day to the next. Survivial mode. I had never really nailed down a routine after my youngest was born because my dad got sick when she was a month old, then my oldest turned 5 and Kindergarten started, and it went downhill from there. I remember thinking that after this trip, I would HAVE to figure out a routine and have create some stability for the girls. Because up until that point, having three kids was complete CHAOS.
What I want to go back and tell myself is this:
1. It's okay. YOU are okay. You have not failed as a mother because you haven't created a routine in the first 9 months. You have had some really difficult things happen. Don't be so hard on yourself.
2. Even though life was unpredictable then, and you didn't have structure, you are probably teaching your girls to be adaptable. Their whole life will not fall apart if plans change. They are able to move on and figure out a new plan.
3. I know you are really worried about your weight and appearance. Don't be. Some years you will get it right when it comes to diet & exercise; other time you won't. But don't miss being in the picture. When you look back, years from now, you will be glad you are in these pictures with your girls. They won't remember (or care) what you looked like but that you were present and making memories with them.
4. No mother has it all together when her kids are little. Having three kids, in it of itself, IS chaos. Find some other moms who are going through the same stage and just hold on to each other. Do life with "your village". It makes the chaos a little easier to manage.
5. You are struggling with work-life balance. Sadly, you will continue with this for years. You make some good decisions and some not so good ones. But again, go easy on yourself. No guilt trips. You are doing your best and your girls will be okay. Even when you work. Because you work. They are seeing what working hard looks like. And it's okay to change careers. Your priority has always been family, and work based around that. You do what you need to do and eventually you will figure out this work stuff and follow your passions. You will never regret not working more. Especially during the Family Years.
6. That little girl in the picture. She will be grown before you know it. Enjoy every second. Be present. Even the fights and the struggles - all completely worth it. She is worth it. Slow down and make the memories.
7. There is beauty in the chaos. Embrace it.
