Ten years. A decade ago today, our fears were confirmed. It was cancer.
Like many of you, time is defined as “before” and “after” a cancer diagnosis. I remember every detail of that day. After days of questions and tests and specialists, we sat anxiously in the waiting room as doctors took a biopsy of my dad’s brain. We were called into the private family waiting room. Not a good sign. I sat, nursing my one month old baby girl, awaiting the doctor’s entrance. Yes. It is cancer. Aggressive cancer. It would be a few more days before we learned the name “glioblastoma mutliform” and “stage 4” but this was it. This is how it would end. We didn’t know when, but we knew how. Cancer.
Looking back, I am not sure how I made it through some of those darkest days. I would like to say I had a superhuman strength or insight. I didn’t. I took one day at a time. Some better than others. My girls were ages 5, 2, and one month. I am pretty sure the first 9 months of Ella’s life were a state of chaos. Survival mode in a time of crisis.
But mostly, I had people. A community. Many from church. Many from my parents’ years of ministry. Neighbors. Teachers. Friends. I was recently listening to the song “Never Once” by Matt Redman. THIS. This is how I made it through. Never once did I walk alone. I was never left on my own. In his faithfulness, God provided people to be his arms, his feet. To give me a shoulder and lift me up.
In recent days (and years) we have continued to see dark times. And yet, we are still never left alone. We have each other. Whatever our differences, we have more common ground. Whatever our background, we also should consider our future. What legacy do we want to leave our children? My dad left this legacy: Love God. Love people. In that order. His heart was always for others.
As I watched my kids play in the ocean today (oh, how I am soaking up these memories!!), thinking about how they never really got to know their Papa, I am confident that they know his legacy. And I pray I continue to live out that legacy. May my children know kindness and be kind. May they love others well. May they walk along side their sisters and brothers, so that no one walks alone.
Because, for each one of us, we all know it will end some day. And in the end, it’s the people that matter. Our families. Our communities. Our sisters and brothers from different races and countries. They all matter.
From reading “Of Mess & Moxie” today, “…you will be stronger in these fragile places than you were before it happened. This is a part of your story, not the end of it, and you will overcome. Not only that, you will thrive. If God truly is the strongest where we are the weakest, then He will win in this place.”
Our stories continue even after we die. We will overcome. We will leave a legacy. May it be of LOVE.
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